My friend Kieran and I had lunch here on Christmas Eve (here's a picture of us) when we'd both had very little for breakfast and were starving, once again proving the rule that you shouldn't decide where to eat when you're hungry.
In our defence, we were enticed into the gingerbread house by a pretty inviting deal - any dish and a drink for £11.95. Was with all things in life, it wasn't actually as straightforward as that - the good meals you had to pay extra for (naturally) and the beer didn't arrive in a pint glass, but a measly 330ml portion (if that).
As it was the middle of the day, I didn't think it the end of the world that I'd be undersold with regards to the alcohol. I was, however, looking to get fed, and dear lord, what they were peddling as a meal in Azzurro wouldn't be fit to repackage as dog food.
I ordered the pasta and meat dish (have a look at the gruel itself in the photo). The meat wasn't something that had been cooked, but rather, chopped up pieces of salami and pepperoni that you can get 12 slices for £1 in Tesco, haphazardly applied in gloopy tomato sauce. Absolutely vile!
The only redeeming feature of this meal (if you can call it that) was that the waitress bought us a full container of parmesan cheese, and left it at the table. If these conmen were going to hustle me out of my money for a disgusting meal, you best believe I was going to claw at least a small fraction of my money back in cheese. (I needed it anyway, to block out the poison they were serving me).
I think this picture of the bruschetta we had as a starter (a steal at £4.95... a steal for the restaurant, that is) says it all about the circus that is Azzurro:
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